Relationships In The Day And Age Of The Internet ft. BSIDD aka Bushra Siddique | Valentine's Special
For our 2021 Valentines Special Edition Series we are talking about "Relationships In The Day And Age Of The Internet” with the owner of BSIDD loves, a beauty, fashion and lifestyle blogger, BSIDD aka Bushra Siddique, who has taken us behind the scenes of her married life and shared a glimpse of her relationship with husband Ashik Salam.
Through this conversation, Bushra shares her exciting relationship mantra when she quotes "Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.” Haha only joking! Or am I? Along with the most charmingly witty tips of the trade she also shares with us some interesting insights of her married life and the several pros, cons, myths, magic and measures for people getting into relationships in the day and age of the internet with Editor of The Bedroom Journal Magazine, Sarwat Zahin.
Living the full-time digital content creator life in London, Bushra and her husband Ashik have been blissfully married for almost four years now and both belong from Bangladesh. However they never crossed paths in their own land but for the first time in London. She says "The first time we met was at a party in London and we didn’t say a single word to each other! Just watched one another from a distance. It took Ashik and I meeting a good times in multiple parties of mutual friends to finally one day sit down together and talk. And it was like we knew each other forever! We had so much to talk about, we had so many shared views on so many world topics. The conversation just flowed endlessly and transcended to late-night Facebook chats and phone calls."
But the story isn't as seemless as it sounds. What is quite interesting is how they actually had a few hurdles to cross before they united. She says "Ashik and I are similar but also quite different in many aspects of our personality. Ashik is as persistent as I am laid back and fickle! So, when I had initially told him, hey I don’t think you’re marriage material, I don’t see myself taking you to my family, he took that up as a challenge and for the next one year he spent proving to me otherwise. He changed my mind and convinced everyone else that was around me how he would be the best guy for my life. And I couldn’t be more grateful to him for that. I cannot imagine my life without him now and neither can my family. Basically, when Ashik sets his mind on something, nothing and no one will stand in his way. Even now, I want something, I need to just mention it once and he gets it done. He is the epitome of reliability & determination. I am in awe of his resilience every day."
We we asked her about her views on the evolution of relationships after the world stepped into the era of the internet and the differences she sees from the past times, and said "So, I have completely missed the dating app scene! During my time it was all about Facebook messenger or even msn messenger back in the day (god I’m so old!) I see my friends going through Tinder, Bumble, sliding into DMs nowadays & a part of me is curious to know how the experience is but also super glad I never had to go through it. I bet it gets stressful! Nowadays to have apps dedicated to finding a love match or for casual hookups is yes, super convenient & fun but also takes away from the whole mystery of dating. When the purpose is solely to find a potential mate based off of a few photos, a few choice lines about oneself & nothing more, it’s very easy to ignore or miss seeing the actual potential with someone. People are quick to swipe next because there’s a constant unending pool of profiles at their disposal. Back in the day I feel people took more time to talk with someone and properly get to know them. It wasn’t about meeting a checklist at first glance & swiping right or left, it was about multiple conversations and building a friendship which either turned into something more or fizzled out." She added "I know so many successful dating app love stories! Constantly hear the horror stories too though. So, there’s definitely pros & cons. I believe, in today’s fast moving & changing digital world, one should embrace all that’s on offer (apps, sites, social media, Seema Aunties? etc.!) to get the most out of it.
When we asked her about the importance of fights and disagreements in a relationship she gave us the most brilliant insight while saying "Disagreements are second nature to human relationships because not everyone will share the exact same mind-set and thoughts as you. If you’re bottling up feelings of dissent and not talking them through, it will come out later on in a much heavier way. That being said, it’s equally important to have agreement in the basic tenets of life, for example things like religion, family values, views on fidelity, human rights and political views even. I believe for a relationship to be successful it’s important that both parties share these same core beliefs. Other than those core beliefs and values, day to day fights are so important. It keeps one’s individuality alive and promotes growth in the relationship. Ashik and I fight about the most random things, usually stemmed from me being too “hangry” (Hungry plus angry). I remember once we had a full-blown fight where I stormed out of the house because he threw away some discount voucher that I had kept to use later. We laughed about the silliness of the fight once we had calmed down!"
Being a social media blogger, Bushra's work mostly consists of her being on social media so we took the plunge to ask her about her views on how much the information available on social media or the naysayers on the internet affect a relationship and how to keep away from that toxicity, and to that she answered "I think the key to maintaining a happy personal life while having a very public presence is balance. There should always be limits to what one shares and puts up for public consumption. I try my level best to not let my online life consume my offline life, get in the way of me enjoying real life or stress me out to a point where it affects my day to day. And of course whenever one puts themselves up on a public platform, there will be trolls, haters and online bullies. It’s not always easy to deal with but one gets used to it after a while. The key is knowing one’s worth, understanding where their hateful comment is coming from (and almost always it reflects more on them and their own issues than you) and having the mental capacity to walk away from those situations without letting it consume you.
Bushra shared the Covid affect on her relationship with us while saying "I am actually someone who loves her alone time and own space. And because I work from home mostly, when Ashik’s office started their work from home policy during the beginning of Covid, I was like, okay that’s it, our marriage will now end! Ashik is excellent at annoying the hell out of me at home and coming to bother me with his made-up songs and dance moves right when I’m about to complete the most serious piece of work. Yes, I get super annoyed at him but don’t tell him, I secretly love it too! After spending every single day, 24/7 together for almost a year now in multiple lockdowns & quarantines, all I can say is that I am so glad I married my best friend. No one else I’d rather be stuck at home with. Didn’t think it was possible, but we are actually closer than we ever were before. Nothing like a pandemic to reach new heights in one’s relationship eh. I don’t think I am ready for him to actually head back to the office once things go back to normal. Don’t think Enzo (our dog) can handle it either!"
We asked her about toxic relationships and recognising red flags in this day and age to which she added "I think the biggest red flag I always warn my friends to look out for is seeing whether the person makes you a priority. Even the busiest person in the world will make time for what’s important to them. It really is all about priority and where you stand. If you find the person constantly putting you second or even lower. Walk away because life’s too short to not be a priority in the person’s life who claims to love you. Other toxic traits I see women falling for or confusing with “love” is controlling behaviour. Jealously and agressive behaviour is not cute, neither is the need to police your life and choices. The person who loves you will love you for who you are and exactly how you are. You should always retain agency over your body, your choices and your actions, not them. Yes, Chuck Bass was hot in Gossip Girl, but you cannot live your whole life in the real world with a Chuck Bass. You need stability, compassion and an equal partner. And loving this right person should feel EASY, not tumultuous and draining resembling most ‘great romances’ you see on TV." She added "Value yourself and your time more. Know that you deserve better and don’t be afraid or ashamed to ask for that or leave when you don’t get that. The more you respect your standards and value your own self, it will translate to others around you. Basically love and respect yourself the way you want the other person to love and respect you!"
Lastly she graciously sent out a highly important message for all the couples out there which was "Never lose yourself in a relationship. The biggest mistake most people make is that they make their whole world about their love. I always say, don’t make the person your entire world, make him/her A PART of your world. Someone to take with you on the whirlwind journey of life." She fabulously added "Relationships are hard work but with the right person, it comes easy. Are they your best friend? Because let me tell you, in relationships and marriage, love and attraction will not exist every day, friendship though, will. So make your lover your best friend too and you’ll find that to be the best combination (Yup ‘Pyar Is Dosti’, Kuch Kuch Hota Hae was onto something there!)."